I am scared. Scared of this virus and what it might do to my friends and family. Scared that the restrictions that have at least kept it in check to some degree will be lifted too soon leading to more outbreaks. Scared because I no longer know what to believe and who to trust.
I spend quite a lot of my life in fear anyway, and it is really not nice. A combination of anxiety, depression and being held responsible for anything bad for many years is a potent combination.
I desperately want to make everything right for everybody. I am now the wrong side of 50 but I don’t seem to have ever grown out of the teenage belief that I can change the world.
Fear can be crippling and often is for me, but it can also be a powerful motivating force. That has to be managed to ensure it is not leading to panicked and knee-jerk reactions but instead is a driver to properly thought through responses. Actions not just thoughts and words.
Someone else will not fix everything for me. That someone has to be me. I need to act and try to make a difference. I can’t do it all on my own (though I do seem to forget that sometimes) but I can do what I can do. So can we all.
I’m scared but I’m not to going to just sit here and let things happen to me. I’m going to try and make things happen.
For a long time I have been unhappy with my day job but did little or nothing beyond dream of a change. Now I am acting. I am trying to build my own freelance writing and copywriting business. It is hard. There are glorious ups and devastating downs but at least I know I am trying. No regrets.
I will not be the victim in the movie that just sits there screaming in the face of impending doom. I will be the person trying to build a working place to escape out of a couple of bits of wood and an orange.
I’m scared but I’m not taking it lying down. I’m fighting back. I will keep trying even when every fibre of me wants to give up, curl up in a ball and go to sleep for a very long time.
I’m scared but I’m trying to fight it.
Will you try with me?