I have seen patterns everywhere for as long as I can remember. In fact, it’s relatively recent for me to realise that others don’t see many of them. For example, I can usually get to the key messages of long documents quickly, not because I read particularly fast, but because I can quickly see the pattern the document follows and instinctively go straight to the important part. I cannot even tell you how I do this; it just seems completely obvious to me, like a jigsaw piece fitting into a whole of the same unique shape.
Pattern recognition is a very useful skill in many areas of life. One of its best applications, in my view, is relating a problem that needs solving to a problem in a completely different area that has been resolved. Or recognising that something that I am struggling to understand is, in fact, very similar to something that I do. I suspect that quite a lot of the time when people think I am bright, they are mistaking my ability to spot and apply patterns for intelligence!
But pattern recognition is much more than a useful tool to me. It brings me enormous pleasure every day. I love seeing symmetrical and geometric designs, especially when they occur naturally. A Fibonacci spiral in a plant or the shell of an animal is one of the most beautiful things in the world to me. I think this love of order and pattern also feeds into my love of numbers and maths. What can be more ordered and reliable than numbers? It is why I much preferred maths to English at school. Maths questions were right or wrong, not subject to the whim of the teacher marking the exam!
I look for patterns everywhere without even realising it, but I have a particular love of patterns which group things in fours. I have absolutely no idea why I feel this way, but I find that a flight of stairs with a number of steps that is divisible by four enormously pleasing. I will often count my steps in fours, or repeat stims with my fingers in groups of four. I suppose I am making my own patterns to soothe my mind, but I really would love to know why I focus on 4 and not some other number!
Patterns also bring me pleasure because they bring me a bit of understanding and predictability to a world that usually makes no sense to me at all. When something follows a pattern, it is much easier to predict what will happen next. Even if someone follows a pattern of being difficult about everything, I find that easier to deal with than someone whose reactions can vary erratically between huge approval and total rage, with no apparent connection to the subject at hand.
It is also why I find my own mental health struggles so infuriating. Many of my down days are completely unpredictable and have no obvious trigger, which makes them impossible to predict and very difficult to navigate. How do you stop the pain when you cannot see a cause?
But even then, patterns can help. Looking at geometric designs really does soothe my mind, as does listening to what I think of as highly geometric music, particularly Bach.
I can’t imagine a time when patterns aren’t important to me. They are deep in my subconscious, and I could no more stop seeing them than I could stop breathing. But I would not want it any other way.