As I write this, it is past the time when I normally have lunch, and I am hungry. But I have started writing; I know how much I want to write today, and stopping to eat, then starting again, will use much more energy than carrying on until I am done and then eating, whenever that may be.
This is a dilemma I face constantly in every area of my life. Switching tasks and starting a new one usually takes a lot of time and energy, so once I get going, I really dislike stopping until I finish.
It is one of the few things I miss about travelling to the office, compared with working full-time at home as I do now. I valued the time spent travelling between home and work both because I could read or rest on the train or bus without feeling guilty, and because it gave me time to mentally switch between the two. By contrast, yesterday evening I received an upsetting work email just before I finished, and it stuck in my mind well into the evening because I had not had that buffer zone to unwind and switch off from the nonsense of work. Walking downstairs simply does not take long enough at times like these!
But the switching problem can also occur across different tasks within the same part of life. When I finish a work task, unless the next priority is extremely urgent, it usually takes me quite a while to figure out what to do next and get going. My brain stays stuck on the previous task long after I have pressed send. Sometimes that means going back to it because I have another idea that can improve the work, but more often it means my focus lags behind where it needs to be.
I suppose my head feels rather like the paths that water finds when flowing down a beach. It takes a bit of time to find the natural route, and then sticks to it, flowing deeper and faster as time goes by. But if that route is then blocked, finding the next best one takes a while and involves digging a new trench in the sand until it can flow freely.
I do not know the science of why autistic brains seem to work like this, but I do know that others have similar issues. We take huge amounts of time and energy to get started, but then hate being interrupted mid-task and find it hard to start something else once we stop, even if the first task was fully finished.
I know myself well enough to go with the flow on this and not be too hard on myself, but unfortunately it doesn’t fit the model of the ideal worker that many employers want. However, people with this issue are often also the ones whose deep focus, once we get going, can make us a huge asset. I may take a while to get going, but I am also known at work for how fast I get things done once I am up and running and for quickly understanding complex topics.
People come as a package, and we cannot isolate the parts we find helpful and expect them to suppress or ignore the parts that are inconvenient to us. If you want that level of control, you need a robot, not a human being.
As individuals, what matters is knowing ourselves as well as we can, including being honest with ourselves about our challenges and our strengths. It can be uncomfortable, but it makes life easier in the long run. We can’t admit to a challenge or get help with it if we cannot even be honest with ourselves about it.